~ `` sEnbOnzAKuRa `` kUchiKi ByakUya Version 2

~*Monday, December 26, 2005*~

//

I feel veri weird right now. i dunno how to sae but i think im not feelin anything now. maybe not exactly, cox im still feelin, enuff to be writing this post. but my mind is blank wif lots of thoughts. probably too much thoughts tt it confused my brain.., n nt to mention the irritatin interference of my heart...

if u wud 2 ask mi. if im a feeler or thinker. (nort goblin tinker mind u). lol. i think i wud be more of a feeler. as in. u noe most of e times when i do something wrong. i have thought of that, considered it as wrong, marked it as wrong and whatever. but my heart still tells me to do it. my brain n heart r always enemies, and i choose to follow by heart cause it is easily. well put it dis way, nt listenin to ur heart, for me. is a thing veri hard to accomplish.

mani a times. when i haf hw to do, n if my heart feels like playin a dota game. i wud end myself up in WC playin something. seriously, even though my brain tells mi tt " oh shit im gonna die tmr". i'll still go ahead. though the friction between the brain n heart causes ache n pain, i think probably disobeyin my own veri hard is something super difficult for me.

my decisions r mani based on my gut feelin, n feelings. sometimes even in dota. if theres 3 heros standin protectin the tower n im considerably strong. my heart just itches n tells mi to chion inside dere n see what happens, even though my brain tells mi i wud die. dats y i get into so much trouble.

i dunno if others haf dis problem, or maybe shld i call it weakness. (can it oso be strenght in some case?? i dunno ). or am i the only one whose heart n brain aren't one. i feel like theres always conflict within myself. internal conflict that causes soo much pain when i land in a dilema.
i think dats y i land into so much trouble.i give way to my heart too much. but still, i do not think i will be able to curb dis. since my heart tells mi not to.

fuckin school is reopenin in few days. (to be exact around 7). mins one week. one week takes a long time to pass actually. i feel that it is actualy THAT long. but one week of hols is not gonna pass slowly. its gonna sprint and soon the today's date wud be 2nd Jan, where we all drag our sulky faces and heavy feet to skool. omg. dat scene. it's repeatin in my mind. the incomplete hw, is causing yet again another internal conflict within me. ahhhh. please purge me of this pain. please send me away from this world. please delete me!

anyway since onli when you know pain u wud appreciate wad i wud call "unpain". lik the sayin " u muz c the darkness before u can c e light". the darker u feel, the brighter the light will appear to be. which translates to, bigger pain=bigger happiness. its all relative. i hope i made sense. actually i dun even understand wad im typin. im just typin out what my heart saes. anyway one shld be gd at changin states of mind (well i think i am), especially consolin myself....., sometimes onli though. to be optimistic, without skool days, there wun be holidays. since everyday is a holiday, and there's no meanin to holiday. so holidays r normal days. so once we adapt to "normal days", there wun be holidays....sad isn't it. anyway every1 look forward to 2006 EOY holiday bah. after O levels we wud party lik hell. while e sec 3 struggles!!. gd that we get to bite the bullet earlier...i think im startin to get abit sadist.

while i think i shld make up my mind to study hard nxt yr. ganbatte! im goin to work hard nxt yr. i vow. well i think sometimes my promises mean nth. like dis blog. i promised to change layout, but i broke it. i like to sae " promises r meant to be broken ". but well, im nt those type dat will pang seh pple. but....i just wunder if i haf the disicpline, strenght n courage to pull through the entire yr 2006. till the end. theres a great fruit, a great reward waitin for us. just one more year. (or 3/4), and we're free from BP. and it wud be like months b4 we go to JC/POLY. or maybe ITE.

im strayin out of pnt. but well. after dat is army. i dunno whether to look forward to army not. but i feel quite cox it will pump mi up n make mi gain more strenght to do things. im lookin forward to e PT but i dun like the fact dat i carn come home. haix sad. after 2 years of goin into the army when i come out, my smash is goin to be gayer.....yeah. im lookin forward to that onli.

i think e chimness of my post is gradually fadin. i talked about spirtual n weird matters at the start n downgrade to the future n daily lives, n my opinion of cox. haix, since degrade le just degrade more.

i wish every 1 a merry xmas. anyway christmass is 12 days (or 15) right? rmb the song? lol. but too bad SG doesn't get dat long of a holiday. i dun think any country wud. lol. i recieved a quicksiver back from my aunt, a op slipper from some1. ( dunno hu ). n i still haf about 2 presents to think of. my aunt (another1), and my parents. im seriously in doubt of wad to buy. realli. i think im goin to get another racket. im so greedy hor. mp99!

so what? how was today spent? didn't go watch movie. since pub holiday scared carn get tickets. so i end up goin to yew tee CC to plae badminton wif my brotherss. lol. actualli my 3rd bro gort improve, but still VERY mada mada dane. my 2nd bro net shot n lift quite ok liao. but his back movement is realli bad. i sent one lift enuff to kill him liao.

den i was still badminton hungry so i went to cck stadium. today veri empty. i wonder why. seriously. den i was doin my own stuff. i was jugglin e shuttle i found wif my racket. i manage to juggle while walkin the entire lenght of e stadium. woots. den record was 80+ i guess. i finally gort the gist of how to do it liao. den ltr gort one malay family. 2 boys n 1 dad. gort ok. can do basic stuff lik lob drop net. so i plae singles wif one guy n won. den later plae abit doubles. dats all. i wanna train my smash to be gayer. now still quite slow n sluggish. gort to be faster!!!

den came bac at 8. wah 2-8, 6 hours. i wud die lor. my leg very achin. lol. haix.

den come bac din do much eat dinner. i think now goin sleep bah

Activated Seikei @ 10:04 PM

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~